— Bet you didn’t know this —
By Joe Kosch
Here at UTV Action, we’re working around the clock to satisfy the seemingly insatiable hunger UTV enthusiasts have for more information about the huge selection of vehicles available today. A great deal of effort is put towards answering the more immediate questions our readers have, like, “How fast is that RZR XP Turbo S?”, and “Is the Textron Wildcat XX suspension really that good?” Month after month we deliver the facts in the pages of UTV Action and on our website (www.utvactionmag.com). UTV Action doesn’t only search for information on how machines and products perform, we’re also probing to find the deeper fundamental facts about UTVs at our basic research facilities.
Ongoing research at the UTV Action Laboratories, the nerve center of the UTV Action Institute, has revealed startling discoveries about the nature of UTVs. Here are just some of the results of some of the most remarkable studies and experiments.
Amazing discovery #1. Any stock UTV can reach 120 mph and maintain that speed for as many runs as you like with no engine or driveline damage! Does that big-mouth neighbor of yours with the turbo sport UTV always have some smart remark about how slow your 400cc utility machine is? It may be time to let him know about your machine’s top true speed. This, of course, is true, because most objects dropped from an airplane will reach 120 mph, because 120 mph is the terminal velocity of an item that’s not particularly aerodynamic. Your kitchen refrigerator, lawn mower or living room reclining chair can also do 120. If you plan on placing any bets with your neighbor on that fact, be sure to drop your 400 utility machine from a plane that is flying. Your UTV won’t reach 120 mph if you push it out of a plane that is on the ground.
It may seem hard to do an airplane-drop speed run without doing any damage to the engine or driveline, but as the scientists at the UTV Action Institute say, it’s all a matter of preparation. They highly recommend the use of parachutes for the UTVs and a cushioned landing location, such as a foam pit.
Amazing discovery #2. How to make any UTV look and run like new forever! As if this discovery wasn’t amazing enough, scientists at the UTV Action Institute have found not just one but two ways to make any UTV look and run like new forever. The first way is never, ever use the UTV, and in addition to not using it, completely protect it from air, sunlight, moisture, extreme heat, cold,and, of course, dirt, which can be abrasive and corrosive. Because of the extreme costs involved in climate-controlled vacuum-chamber storage, doing this for any length of time will cost far more than driving, enjoying and regularly replacing a UTV, but basic research is about scientific discovery, not necessarily useful discoveries. The second way to make a UTV look and run like new forever doesn’t prohibit you from driving it, and you can even drive in dirt, but you need to replace every single piece that affects the looks and performance of the machine as needed. This plan makes climate-controlled vacuum-chamber storage look cheap.
Amazing discovery #3. The “best UTV” doesn’t exist! UTV enthusiasts are obsessed with finding out what the best UTV is, and UTV Action and the UTV Action Institute are dedicated to the search. At this time, our combined testing and experience have revealed that there is no single-best UTV, just as there is no single-best shirt, best pizza place or best snack food. Variables in conditions, the way the item is used and personal preference all combine to make a single choice unrealistic and inaccurate!
For example, the best shirt for changing your UTV’s oil is almost never the best shirt to wear to your wedding. Even when people can agree on a pizza place to go to, they can’t agree on what toppings to have on the pizza. Snacks? It’s a highly personal issue. As far as what the best UTV is with respect to its impact on the sport in a given year, or the best machine for a given purpose or category, we’re the experts. Nobody is as knowledgeable about the machines, or tests as thoroughly as UTV Action. Of course, new, better machines keep coming each year. For this year’s best UTV make sure you read the August 2018 issue.