— Filtering out worthless mainstream info — 

By Joe Kosch

There’s a lot of information coming at us these days. Some of it has value and some doesn’t. When I want important, up-to-the-minute news that’s also fun to read or watch, I go to I find breaking news that is accurate, and unlike so much mainstream news, enjoyable, because it’s all about UTVs in one way or another.

Like most folks, I’m interested in local news and what’s happening in the USA and around the world. I like sports, especially motorsports, and what’s new in the world of cars, motorcycles, science, nature, entertainment and more. There are very few subjects I don’t care about at all, but more and more, mainstream media seems to be giving more and more coverage to things I care less and less about. Here’s a real news headline I saw online beside news of natural disasters and important announcements from our president: “Kylie Jenner Says Jordyn Woods Wants to Write Khloé Kardashian a Letter About Tristan Thompson”—don’t care. Right below was a story about a guy flying across the English Channel on a jet hoverboard, with another headline that said,  “Selena Gomez Wore Pink Pants, a White Crop Top, and a Pink Scrunchie to Her Friend’s Birthday Party”—sounds nice, but don’t care. There’s something insulting and offensive about celebrity news being so close to important news. How can a story about Russia’s new supercavitating torpedoes—and how the U.S. has nothing like them—run right under “Celeb Kids Can’t Get Enough of This Backpack?”!


Lately, I find world affairs confuse me more than ever. I don’t discuss news with my kids as much as I have them explain it to me. It’s as though I’m getting old, which is impossible, because my wife tells me to grow up so often that I don’t respond with words anymore—just a polite nod or a shrug, whatever seems appropriate.

I’m not sure what age Carol would like me to be, because I hear her say, “You’re too old to be driving like that” almost any time she sees me driving a UTV, or rides in one with me, or sees a photo of me driving a UTV. Our nephew John visited recently, and he loves cars and motorcycles, but had never driven a UTV or ridden in one. He and his wife had barely set their bags down and John and I were in the Can-Am Sport Max I had at the house. After a minute or two of warm-up to get heat in the engine and through to the clutches, I eased through our side gate and did a big, graceful, full-throttle powerslide as I got on the wide, smooth dirt road in front of our house and headed for nearby trails. I knew I’d be hearing, “You’re too old to be driving like that” and “Grow up” very soon, probably in the same sentence. All John had to say after our ride was, “I love these things! I’m getting one!” Wives must all use the same phrase book, because I’m sure I heard John’s wife say, “Grow up” to him from inside the house.

John had a million questions about UTVs when we sat down for dinner, and I did a good job of answering them, but I told him he should read a few issues of UTV Action and explore UTV Action’s website to get a fuller picture of the machines and what they can do. He stopped eating, pulled out his phone and pulled up UTV Action’s test of the machine we just rode. Then he started looking at higher-performance machines like Can-Am X3s, Polaris RZR XP 1000s, XP Turbos and more. Then his wife Lauren told him to grow up, put away the phone and get back to dinner. John looks grown up to me; he’s 34.

He works like a fiend and likes to spend his extra money on fun, active things. Honestly, I’m surprised he didn’t have a UTV already.

As much as he liked the UTV, he plans to buy an ATV first, probably a Polaris Scrambler 1000 or a Can-Am Renegade 1000. I get it; 91 horsepower moving a really rider-active machine that’s well under 1000 pounds is just the thing for John, the human Wolverine—either ATV would be perfect for him. I borrowed a Scrambler 850 from my buddies at Dirt Wheels recently, and I could barely hang onto the thing at full throttle. No steering wheel, you steer it with these bullhorn-like things they call handlebars. The “seat” is like a little bench you straddle. Truly, it is like bull riding compared to the security of a UTV—“uncivilized” as Thirston Howell from “Gilligan’s Island” would say.

Want some shocking news even before it’s on Get this; I have found I can predict the future, and I clearly see a UTV in John’s. Okay, he told me that. Wait, I’m getting something; the wild man I call the “Wolverine” lives in New York. The trails are very tight and difficult there, and so scarce he’ll probably go riding in Pennsylvania, New Jersey and West Virginia where the trails are also tight and difficult. I see the human Wolverine parking the UTV some weekends and driving a Yamaha Wolverine with his wife who likes it, except when he drives too fast to scare her on purpose. Wait, I can even hear her saying something: “Grow up! 



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